There’s an old Yiddish proverb, Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht”: “Man Plans and God Laughs”. This is why we love proverbs – they capture life’s realities in a few simple words. I love how often proverbs from various cultures and traditions provide wisdom to us all.
Man Plans and God Laughs strikes me as the perfect truism for this past year. While capturing our mood and making us smile, there is a deeper meaning here. On the surface we understand this proverb to mean that our plans are often tossed aside due to unexpected circumstances. In January of 2020, how many of us had plans for the year? Whether visiting family, class reunions, travel plans or holiday celebrations, most if not all were put on hold or cancelled all together. For those aware of increasing age and its related health issues, the time to realize those dreams has been shortened. For those caring for a spouse, sibling, parent, or friend with a chronic disease, the constantly changing pandemic environment and related social isolation added to an already moving target of expectations. Now that many, but not all, people are vaccinated, there are new questions about personal and civic safety. Restaurants and other venues are opening to customers but in a limited manner due to the continuing uncertainty.
In her groundbreaking book, “Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live with Unresolved Grief” (Harvard University Press, 2000), Dr. Pauline Boss explains the concept of Ambiguous Loss as the emotional state a person experiences when they have lost someone they love yet they have not been able to move through the rituals and stages of grief because that person is still alive. There are several circumstances in which this can occur, including missing persons and war, certainly with Alzheimer’s Disease and related dementias. The uncertainty and lack of closure hang in the air like an ever-present fog.
I have heard the frustration of many caregivers in not being able to help their loved one understand the public health recommendations for mask wearing and social distancing, not being able to go into shops and restaurants. Many of my friends and colleagues have also expressed frustration and fatigue in trying to maneuver through a constantly changing environment. This is doubly so for people living with dementia and their caregivers. We have all been faced with disappointments, delays, and the slow burn of chronic stressors. We have seen our local civic and business leaders struggle with decisions and our neighbors face financial ruin and worse.
If, when Man Plans, God Laughs, what have we to learn? That we are not always in control (that can be a hard one!), sometimes “good” is good enough, and the sometimes too-trendy aphorism of “living in the moment” can actually be a realistic goal. That social connections do matter, that we can be creative in figuring out how to cope, and simply waking up in the morning and saying, “What is the one thing I can do today to make it a good day?” is plenty.
We at NAZADA had plans for 2020 that have been pushed into 2021, and possibly 2022. Yet we shift, find our balance, and persevere. We are happy to announce that our long-awaited website is up and running – recognizing that it will need constant updates and revisions so that it remains useful to you, our Northern Arizona community. We plan to continue to provide free educational classes from our own local experts as well as tapping into the wealth of knowledge and expertise outside our region. We will keep you apprised of upcoming events and opportunities to share and support one another.
So, what have we learned? The importance of taking one day at a time, caring for one another by listening, understanding, and not judging. And, that individually and collectively we are stronger than we think.
Sandy Ryan, NAZADA Board